Not only did it culminate in a very bitter war see: divorce , it also marked the onset of a toxic poison that had begun to work its way into my veins: resentment. It began with crippling depression—depression so bad that I no longer had the appetite to eat or a desire to care for myself.
I spent untold hours and days under the protective shield of a comforter in bed, drifting into a slumber of numbness. And with an empty house now all to myself, I made a decision to lock the front door and refuse to answer it for anyone. Having just had a proverbial knife twisted into my spine by the two people I loved and trusted the most, what good could come from anyone knocking on the door with a smile on their face? People hid vicious claws behind their backs, and I refused to be stuck with them again.
Then, suddenly but slowly, I began to crawl back to life. I spent less time in bed, began to eat on occasion, and even reached out to talk to family. Calling around to local churches, I learned about a divorce support group that met on Wednesdays, and forced myself to attend.
And even though I cried my way through the first few meetings, a footprint for recovery began to take shape. But the poison of resentment was an entirely different monster—one that would take me a full decade to exorcize. Despite acquiring a new set of coping skills, I began to suffer through obsessive thoughts about the affair between my ex-wife and ex-best friend.
I tortured myself with the painful details of their intimacy, imagining it over and over again throughout the day. And when I slept at night, my mental participation was no longer even required—those obsessive thoughts became a box of terrifying toys that came out to play on their own. In my paralyzing condition, I came to believe that having an apology from the both of them was the only way to exhale. But neither of them had any intention of doing so. The affair had already been going on for so long before I discovered it that they could never rightly offer any explanation of value—and therefore, never did.
After a whopping ten years of this sort of self-inflicted torture—long after my divorce had been finalized—I realized it was well overdue that I look inward for the answer. No one was going to offer the apology I wanted or felt entitled to. I could either choose to forgive regardless , or continue in the pattern of resentment and anger that swallowed my current quality of life. I chose to forgive. Forgiving is a hard thing to do when you feel like the recipient is undeserving—even more so when they have no clear intention of ever apologizing.
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- 3 books on how to forgive the unforgivable.
- Forgiving the Unforgivable: Forgiveness in the Context of LGBT Partner Violence - Digital Library!
Refusing to forgive can sometimes become so paramount to our existence that we let it define our life. It reflects in our language, in the stories we tell people, and in our attitudes.
And since the pain is familiar, we bask in it, subconsciously teaching ourselves to see the negative in everyone. Research shows that psychological stress accumulated over a period of years begins to settle as physical pain in the body—pain we can literally feel taking a toll on our well-being. Mindful meditation has worked wonders in alleviating that burden for me since I chose to forgive. The final stage of forgiveness, at least for me, was to pray for the people who had wronged me—and I find myself doing so a lot, whenever old feelings start to surface.
I pray for their health and happiness in a sort of radical act of kindness—a spiritual adoption, if you will. Photo by Will Foster. Shawn W.
Forgiveness: Forgiving the Unforgivable
Larson was once a hip-hop producer and recording engineer who worked with some of the most notable names in the business. Today, he is married with three children, and enjoys writing, photography, and meditation. We need to understand the enormity of our sin before God. We need to realize the scandalous, hateful nature of sin. We need to know that we deserved to be condemned for our sin. Moreover, we deserved to be condemned for our sin eternally. We can only consider forgiveness when we honestly take into a full account what we have been forgiven of.
The truth is that nothing that has ever been done to us, no matter how painful itseems, compares to the enormity of our sin against God. Yet, God chose to forgive us in Christ. When we realize how much we have been forgiven of, it becomes easier for us to extend forgiveness to others. Jesus gave an example in the Gospels that put forgiveness in monetary terms.
Forgiving the Unforgivable: Forgiveness in the Context of LGBT Partner Violence - Digital Library
He said that God has forgiven us a million dollar debt. Would it then be right for us to hold someone else responsible, want to punish the person or send them to jail, for a ten dollar debt they owe us? Of course not. Once we realize how much God has forgiven us, we can freely and fully forgive others.
We can forgive because we ourselves are forgiven. Sign In Sign Up.
My Plans Discover. How To Forgive The Unforgivable.